Okay, so I’m not a big risk-taker. I guess, in retrospect, I have taken some leaps of faith, like deciding to go back to school full-time to get my MBA. In the midst of a massive global recession, no less. Okay, well, the market didn’t actually tank until my third week or so of classes, so really, it wasn’t that risky when I went in. But still. Still.
There are, however, some smallish risks (risklets?) that I take on a daily basis:
- Despite knowing better, I continue to use Q-tips to clean my ear canals.Â
- I cut veggies (or fish, or anything requiring cutting) like a madwoman. Or so I’ve been told. Generally by people who have cut themselves seriously.
- I use Groupons for haircuts, much to Adam’s chagrin. Those of you who know me understand the risk in this. Those of you who don’t can eagerly await a blog post on this very topic.
- I wear yoga tights for pants. I guess that’s not so much risky business, but I am risking judgment from strangers. Or some acquaintances.
- I jaywalk. I’ll even jaywalk in front of police, though only if I think I can disappear into the crowds before they catch me. It’s more of a calculated risk, this one.
- I don’t always rewash my pre-washed veggies. Especially the greens. You know, the ones that say they’ve been washed nine trillion times? Or at least three times.
I know, I know: I’m INSANE. I’m practically a maverick. What do I think I am? Invincible? Well, maybe. Just a little bit.
However, just this very evening, whilst cutting (unsafely, of course) some veggies for a salad, I shook out some spinach from the bag. I even thought to myself, out loud, so I could use quotes when I blogged about it later, “I should totally wash these.”
As I put one in my mouth, I thought, “Meh, what are the odds of actually getting ecoli on my spinach?” Probably pretty high, based on some recent news, but that’s beside the point. I don’t even know what Cryptosporidium is, but it sounds pretty (I’m sure it isn’t).
In the face of this menacing peril, I laughed, because that’s what mavericks do when they take risks, grabbed a leaf, popped it in my mouth and began to munch it. This is about when I noticed something in the bag of aforementioned spinach. Upon closer inspection (said spinach is still being chewed in my mouth), I discover that “something” is, in fact, a beetle of some sort.
And then I died.
Okay, I maybe didn’t die or even faint. I did, however, spit all the spinach out of my mouth into the sink, along with the beetle, which went down the drain. I may have run the garburator. What? WHAT?! DON’T JUDGE ME FOR KILLING THE BEETLE. IT SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN IN MY SALAD TO BEGIN WITH. I don’t like bugs, though more specifically I don’t like bugs with eight or more legs. When they’re in my food, I don’t like any of them.
And no, I am most definitely not reassured that the beetle would’ve at least been clean, on account of his being washed at least three times, according to the marketing on the bag.
I’ve been all twitchy ever since. I keep thinking it’s on me. Or it’s called all it’s friends and they sneaking in under the doors.
I don’t have a picture for this post. No, I did NOT take a photo of the beetle. I’m okay with that.
Rachelle, I absolutely love your blog, and this post totally cracked me up! (Random aside: often when I read it or see things you post on Facebook, I think â€œwhy arenâ€™t we best friends in real life?â€) Anyway, now that Iâ€™ve probably creeped you out I will get to my pointâ€¦ Years ago, before bagged salads, I once found a slug in my lettuce. It was just teeny-tiny, but it has scarred me for life. So I suppose what Iâ€™m trying to say is ~ I feel your pain. Damn that beetle!
Hey Karyn! I love that you like my posts! And, just for the record, I’m not creeped out at all! I was all like, “SHE WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND!”
I’m always down for more friends! We should grab a coffee or beverage of choice!
Oh my dear Lord, I vow to always wash my greens no matter what the bag says. You did much better then I would have, I’m sick to my stomach just thinking about it.