Icing on the cake.

I realize I’m writing about dessert a lot lately. Weird. (not really)


Have you heard about Mr. Cake? This guy is quite the inspiration.

The way he quit his job became world news and I love that he did it in style, in integrity and in cake:


I love it. I mean, obviously, because it is cake, so of course I love it, but also that he’s following his passions and creating a life where he is doing what he loves to do. More of us should do that, I think. Which is why I’m working on it, too. It’s hard work, though (I know, “If I say so, right?”). If I lived over there, I’d buy his cakes and talk to him a lot, because I think it would inspire me.

No one ever said doing what you love is easy. I suppose if it were, a lot more people would be doing it. And I don’t know about you, but I find that if you are determined to find a way, people really love to remind you of all the things you should be worrying about, if you aren’t already, and as if you don’t have enough of your own stuff to get a handle on, too. I guess that’s their way of caring about you, but I suspect it also serves them by reinforcing the reasons to support the choices they’ve made.

Alan Watts talked about this in his clip “What if Money Was No Object”. This video is not new and I’ve posted it on Facebook often, usually when I’ve needed the reminder that I’m not crazy for wondering about the way we spend our lives (you know, the only lives we get).

Here’s what he said:

“But it’s absolutely stupid to spend your time doing things you don’t like, in order to go on spending [money on] things you don’t like, doing things you don’t like and to teach our children to follow in the same track.”

I mean, you guys? You get to live once. You don’t know how long you get, either. Unless you have some kind of inside track on living more than once and/or living forever, in which case, can you tell me how? Is how you’re spending your days what you dream of? I know there’s a disconnect for me in what I want to do and what I’m doing. Sometimes it makes me sad, other times frustrated, but lately in addition to those sentiments, it makes me dedicated, driven and committed to creating something different.

Just in case you needed some inspiration (and because I needed some today):

A new look and an old question.

Coffee-shop-blog-post outfit.

Coffee-shop-blog-post outfit.

You may have noticed that my blog has changed. You, Friend, are very perceptive. I decided, in light of my recent perspective shifts, that the View From the Bay should shift also. It’s a sleeker, more grown-up look, just like me. Ha! Just kidding. I’ve been wanted to swap it up for a while, because I didn’t like how narrow the text column was, which is irksome to my eye and most likely to yours as well. I like to write and I don’t need my posts seeming optically to be longer than they already are.

As for me being all changed and whatnot, well, that part’s true. Though, strangely, I’m quite at peace with myself. Not that I was expecting to go all “cray” and act out in my internal struggle, cutting my hair with rusty kitchen scissors in a fit of angst. Yes, that is from a country song. It’s been kind of like a breakup.

Don’t worry, though; we don’t even have rusty kitchen scissors. That’s just unsanitary.

The thing is, I am changed. Pretty profoundly. And to be honest, I struggled against it (clearly, as my last post conveyed). I didn’t think I could change me without losing me, if that makes sense. Instead, I’m pleased to learn that I’m still me, just more of me. Unfiltered, though not completely, by any means. A little more true. There was no loss that cost me anything I didn’t want to lose. It’s like being hypnotized: No one can really make you do anything you don’t want to do. I’m not saying I’m perfect (though I am, and so are you), at least not in terms of my journey. I’m pretty sure I’ve only dipped my toes in, and I’ve got a long way to go. I think that’s what life is about. It’d be pretty boring if I was on the top of my game with nowhere to go already.

I love this quote by R.W.E. and I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean this was something you just do once:

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

I’m a little surprised to see that life goes on as it did before. I don’t mean to sound all dramatic (though I realize I often do, but let’s face it: I’m a star), but honestly, it’s like the sky should be, or could be, a different colour. It’s not, but I will say I can appreciate the sky in whatever shade it shows up, without thinking about what it should be, so that I can have something to resent. I spent a lot of time shaking my fist at the sky, chastising it for not being something other than what it was.

And, if you think I’m just talking about sunshine and blue skies here, you’re missing the point. I’ve spent a lot of time experiencing my entire life and my relationships with people, animals, inanimate objects and fairy tales, through what they should be, or should have been or not been. It’s exhausting and let me tell you how well that was working out for me: Not so much. Unless you count me having the right to be angry and disappointed all the time. Not exactly a blue-ribbon life, huh?

peterpanAs for my old question, well here it is:

What do I want to be when I grow up?

Thing is, I’m still not sure. It’s really frustrating and it’s a question that’s plagued me for a long time. In my full-time business of making every little thing so gawd-damned significant, I’ve been utterly paralyzed. I’ve stayed where I don’t want to be, afraid to answer the question with anything but “I don’t know”. I’m not sure who I expect to have the answers to what I’d like to be when I grow up, but clearly, it wasn’t me.


Maybe I’m going to be many things. Maybe moving on doesn’t have to be so bloody significant. Maybe I move on to something and it’s the wrong something, and I move on again. Maybe I mess up and go backwards. So far, nothing in my life has done anything but add to who I am today, so why don’t I pry off those fingers of fear that have been holding me back?

I’m trying. I often wear a necklace that Adam bought me for my birthday (he bought me Runaway Girl for a wedding present—subtle irony intended): It’s the silhouette of a little girl wearing a cape. I love her fearlessness and her can-do attitude. Maybe it’s time I try my cape on, instead of just talking about it. Time to actually try something, instead of worrying about whether it’s going to work out. Because there’s no way I can actually know that and staying put isn’t working out for me so well, anyway.

Do you recognize any of this in yourself? Are you holding yourself back? What’s in your way?

Oh what a feelin’!

Okay, before you read more, click on this and set the mood. You’re welcome. Just bringing a little excitement to your lives.

Now, back to this post. I do not mean the above title in the way that the song does. This was not an “oh-happy-day” kind of Tuesday, if you get my meaning. I mean, seriously, people. SERIOUSLY. Get ready for some whining. Or not. You don’t have to read on. I’m not making you (but there’s a treat at the end if you do!).

Today started with my work laptop not working. For several hours, I tried to put out fires (not literal ones, though it did feel like a hot seat to me) on my work Blackberry, while talking with the help desk to figure out why on earth I had no access to the network. Just for the record, not having access to the network means I can’t access the internet, my email or any of my files. This may come as a surprise, but believe it or not, this particular scenario doesn’t make for a particularly productive morning. And, you guys. YOU GUYS. There was stuff going wrong all over the darn place. I was like a superhero without a spandex suit. I kept thinking of this video all day long, but I couldn’t watch it, because I had NO INTERNETS.

We’re not 100% sure it’s not my laptop (who says there’s no mystery left in life?), but it would seem the issue is that we have more laptop/mobile workers than IP addresses. For real, you guys. It’s like musical chairs. If you’re not quick, you get 2 sticks and a piece of twine with which to accomplish your wonders. I’m like McGyver! That would actually be pretty cool!

By the end of the day, I had a tension headache, a class to teach and was so busy following up on a million things today that I couldn’t get anything done, which leaves me behind. Or, I suppose more behind would be more accurate, because HOLY MOLY I’m already so far behind I’ve taken to laughing all high-pitched and nervously like the mom on That 70’s Show. That laugh is indicative of my need for a massage, a rage cage and a week off. Or possibly just a nap. Who knows.

Whatever. I’m done whining. Tomorrow is Wednesday, which is a good thing. What’s not to love about Wednesday?

Also, I’m going to Paris in 23 days. Baguette. Fromage. Du vin. Mmm… Just need to find accommodations, otherwise we’ll be sleeping on a park bench. I hear the parks in Paris are lovely this time of year. HAHAHAHA (that was high-pitched, but still happy).

Here’s my plan for tomorrow: Whenever things get stressful, I’m going to hum the Indiana Jones theme song and pretend it’s an adventure. Because really, whatever I’m dealing with isn’t going to be poisoned figs or monkey brains, so I’m doing pretty good, actually.

He may not look smart, but he's ours and we love him. He plays fetch. Does your cat play fetch? I didn't think so.

Being all important and stuff.

Tomorrow, I’m going to be hanging out at the Legislative Building. Uh huh. I’m a very important person, you see. So, accordingly, I will be doing such important tasks as—oh wait, I won’t be doing anything at all. Right. I forgot that I’m just taking a workshop and have no desire whatsoever to be in politics, ever. Ever. It doesn’t seem like a very fun job. I mean, if I’m gonna be on TV and in the papers and what have you, I’d rather be an actor. Kay, actually, I’d rather be an actor any day. That’s no secret.

But tomorrow, I will be at the Ledge. All the ding-dong day. Seriously; I have to be there at 7:45 am. That’s just wrong. And, I have to be dressed up. Sigh. And I can’t even blame anyone for this except myself, because I signed up for this workshop. Like two years ago. I just haven’t been able to make it yet. But tomorrow is The Day I shall. I Shall.

I’m not sure why I have to be all dressed up, but I do think I probably should’ve ironed something tonight. However, I was very busy teaching ballet yoga and then watching Game of Thrones. That’s right: This kid’s got priorities and they often include fantasy fiction.

Back to the dressing up, though: This is what I wore on Easter Sunday:

Yeah, them's jeans. And Toms. One for One and all that jazz. Actually, probably pretty good shoes to wear to church, come to think of it...

You know, the day they rolled the stone away. Kind of a big day for those of us who’ve been known to hit our knees/hit up a church now and then. But you know what? Jesus wore sandals and I’m pretty sure He’s down with my style. Pretty sure also that He recognizes there are bigger things to worry about. But the Legislative Assembly, however, does not recognize this point, unfortunately, so dress up I shall. Begrudgingly. I will look super, but not by choice, galldarnit.

I am kind of hoping this is like finding a leprechaun/visiting the Godfather on his daughter’s wedding day/finding a genie in a bottle. Because I’ve got my wish all ready: Please may I please have my student debt all forgiven. Okay thank you bye.

Happy Friday! Oh, wait, it’s only Tuesday…

This was A Very Busy Day. I’m just getting used to being a mobile worker (isn’t she mobile?! Working on a chair on the ocean!), which means I have no desk space to call home. This is fine by me, but there are definitely some learning curves. After having struggled to shove all my stuff (I cycle to work and needed to bring teaching gear today, too) into two lockers on different floors, I found space to work on the fourth floor, which, might I add, has a lovely view.

Here are some of the lessons I learned today:

  1. After getting (relatively) organized to work in the free address space, make sure you have a pen/pencil/writing implement, or else you will need to go back down to your locker to find one.
  2. After making the trek for the quill pen or whatever you write with, don’t forget a spoon with which to eat the yogourt & granola you have on your desk.
  3. After finding a spoon and eating the granola/yogourt combo, you may be thirsty. You will probably wish you had a drinking vessel. Back down the stairs you go.
  4. Productivity, which is increased by working in a location away from distractions, can be reduced by the need to run up and down 2–4 flights of stairs for necessary items.
  5. I will lose weight working this way. Not too shabby for me and just in time for summer!

I taught two yoga classes tonight, having shifted my Thursday class to tonight because of the long weekend. I am tired. Adam put on the new Game of Thrones, which it is far too late to watch, but I cannot not watch. I wonder which character will die that I have grown to love. Sometimes, it’s better not to care…

I gotta go and pay attention, because I can’t afford to not know what’s going on in this show.

Also, big bummer: Ben and Ashley were meant to come with us to Seattle this weekend, but might not be now. This super sucks. Adam’s in coaching training for two full days, during which time I will be completely on my little lonesome. I am wishing I knew peeps in Seattle…

This is a cat. In a box. I needed a picture for this post. You're welcome.